Saturday, December 17, 2011

Hav to do somthin new

Its been some time in bangalore and I am liking it I must say. Life's got a lot diciplined and am doing good @work. Things are moving in the right direction for me but then again with the same stale thought that there is nothing new happening in life. I feel that there must be some one I should talk to about my being alive. I feel that I have become puppet of my fate and that I am being controlled by some unknown force that is making me do all this. I have to do a lot of things in life but not the way its happening. I wana take a break and go to some place else, some where serene where its only me and my family. No jobs no work no tension where dere is peace and all we do is make each other happy, show gratitude and make each other feel special in the every moment we live. May be these thoughts have started to come in my mind cause I am spending a lot of time with me and only me. I need to do a lot of things in life and that too at a very great pace but I fear I dont have my lady luck to help me in this for sure. I try to focus on work so that I dont have to focus on anything else. But is that not the right thing to do. I think I will take sometime to come back in life. And this time I wana come back with a bang so that I can say that I what I did was the right thing in life. Life has become a lot meaning less than it used to be when I was @home. @ dat time life ment to be chiken chilly, chiken roll and a sip of bear. A puff of ciggarete to boast of amonst frns and a bike to impress chiks. I just wish life is again that simple. Why did a person have to fall in luv with some one. Why one has to feel the vaccum that is created when one person leaves and why do we have to bear pain of the separation. Why feel that pinch every moment when ever you remember the person who is not there and will not there in your life but then you never loose the hope. Some do start living with the fact that this is part of their life. Some are brave enough to take this to a different level and work things out. Some just run away from every situation and then think every thing will be fixed with time and eventually are the biggest loosers in life.


Thursday, December 1, 2011

Feeling Lost

Just relaised that I have aquired all that people wanted me to. I did my degree, got a job and money. I have all that was expected from me. The journey was not easy and I have lost a lot of my innocence in the way to this point. But now I want to redo the things that I wanted the most. I want to sing my heart out to people. I want to play guitar and I want to roam around the city with my girl. I want to be just me no pretence and hypocysy of this corp world. I want to live as I used to in my school life bunking classes and going for movies. Talking over phone with my girl for long endlessly without any one judging me. I dono how will I be able to achive this goal. I miss my electronics lectures and the girl in the class. There she is sitting trying to focus on the lecture and me continuously trying to disturb her and deviate her attention towards me. I now look back and think that did she rely luv me or was I just another chapter in her life. What people have said to me is exactly opposite of what she has said to me. I cant trust her or the people who have said to me about her. But I want to be part of that time when we were together when we were so close that I couldnt hear anyone. I just thought about her and talked about her cared about her and luved her. Her friends were so happy to see us together. I wonder what would have happend if this had not happened. Was this ment to be or was my blind luv that led to this. Whatever it is I am not going to get back into the time and in this time I am lost in those moments as if I am living in a dream. I have stopped crying to sleep but my heart has not. I cannot forget her , she always finds a way into my life. Either through thoughts or music or frns or gatherings. I am going to attend a frns marriage this weekend and I will have to face her. I dono what will my expression when I see her. Will I just ignore her or talk to her. Will she talk to me when I call her. There is so many things I am afraid of. There are so many imaginations I have. I dont know how will it transpire but one thing is for sure. I will capture her glimse as closely as I can. I think this will be one of the final moments I will see her and feel about her the way I do now. I just wish I can be part of her happy moments (MagicMomemnts).